Taking a Day

Tomorrow (Friday) I think I'm going to take a day. I haven't informed the powers that be yet but it won't be a problem. I work with some really fantastic people. It's been a rough week, not only b/c my co-worker has been out (it's actually been rather slow so she wasn't really needed persay) but that I've been SO tired. Ollie must be growing a lot. He sure is kicking a lot. I'm also still recovering from the nine (9!) hour wedding we shot on Saturday.

Anthony will be off tomorrow which will make it a productive day. He needs a new suit for the wedding we have coming up. I need a Halloween costume (which is a pickle for pregnant ladies! If you can find one, they are one-size-fits-all. All I have to say to that is 'HA!').

After reading Domino magazine last night, my head got a-spinning about our bedroom. It's newly painted a deep, dark purple. We recently acquired a king size bed from my parents that really pops (white, 'rod iron') I need to move some furniture around to make it look less crowded and more efficinet. I love to be inspired. I would love to have an easily flowing home. In another life I'd like to be a home decorator. But I hate measuring and I can't sew so I'd be up a creek.

Anyway, I'm taking a day because I need something to look forward too. It's been a hum-drum week. BUT(!) My step-sister Adriane's wedding is tomorrow and I can't wait to see my cousin Sarah Cat! It will be nice to have us all together again. Just like the old days!

TA-TA!

To-Do List (Because To-Doing is fun!)

So much to do before Oliver arrives.

Autumn

Had to post this picture because I love it. It was a beautiful autumn day on Old Campbell County Day and we had a great time laughing at certain aspects of the parade then painstakingly painting every child's face in Fairburn.

Some things I love about Autumn (in particular, this Autumn)

1. It has been unseasonably cool. The skys have been overcast, threatening of rain. I am sad to say that they never deliver but I am grateful for the small thrill of hope. Because of this great weather, we have had our air conditioning off for almost a month and windows open. I feel sorry for our neighbors who have to hear us yell at the dogs and listen to the blaring of our television, but there is no smell like the fresh smell of the fall air when you come into the house.

2. My baby shower is fast approaching (2 weeks!) and the bestest is planning my awesome baby shower. Halloween themed everything. People are coming in costumes. Scary music will be played. I'm sure the menu has been created accordingly. Some of my favorite people in the world are gathering to celebrate the arrival of the awesome Ollie. I can't wait and am forever amazed by the amazing Amanda.

3. Next Sunday begins my third trimester. Only 3 more months til awesome Ollie arrives.

4. Halloween is on a Friday this year! And despite my large size, I am waddling out to a party of some sort with my pals. I haven't picked a costume yet, waiting a little longer to 'ripen' but I hope it is chilly (because I am forever hot!)

5. It just feels like fall. We had a good fall last year and is shaping up to an even better fall this year. The leaves are turning. The air is crisp. I am in heaven!

6. We shot our last wedding for the year (9 hours!) and I am so glad to have it over. Next Saturday is Adriane's wedding, then my baby shower, then Bobby's wedding. My sister-in-law Julie is coming to visit the first weekend in November. I am ecstatic!

I'm trying not to let money woes get me down. Most people will receive baked goods for Christmas. Maybe this will help me remember the spirit of the holiday and not get bogged down with the commercial aspect. Money is so tight its almost hard to breathe but I'm trying to be happy. We have money to pay our bills, feed ourselves and our dogs. We own our house, a car and are both securely employed. I need to be Thankful and focus on that. So many people have it so much worse than us.

I'm just afraid we won't have enough money to diaper our son when he comes. People have raised kids on less. I need to remember to take it one day at a time. This too shall pass.

I am dwelling on a lot of anger directed towards the in-laws. Life is unfair, it's a concept I have accepted, but still, we are paying for their dastardly mistakes. It hurts me to know that we are drowning because of them. I hope they enjoy their cruise while we struggle day to day. I need to let it go but I can't seem to find a way too. I want to go on Oprah. I want the whole world to know. Embarrassing them won't make it better. But it sure is fun to fantasize about.

Happy Autumn!

Kindness to strangers

Old Campbell County Day came and went. Our face painting booth was more of a sucess than the parade but if anything I learned a lot and I have to be content with that. Most importantly, we had a lot of laughs, which is something we do a lot when we are all together. Much kudos to my Mom for taking pictures that I will look back fondly on one day. That is an ever constant gift she has for me, photographs of my life. I need to remember to include her in more of them because they will be the only ones I want to look at one day when she is gone.

Yesterday, Amanda asked me to accompany her to pick up a costume she found on Craigslist. Alice in Wonderland. She will make a perfect Alice with her long blonde hair. Anyway, Anthony and I accompanied her to protect her from potential serial killers and rapist posing as innocent people that want to sell costumes on Craigslists.

Any way, it wasn't a serial killer but a perfectly normal girl. She awkwardly stood in her stairwell as Amanda pulled out the costume, giving it a look-see and handing over the twelve dollars, all while the awkward girl asked us questions: "Where are you from?" "How old are you all?" She was from Kansas she informed us. She looked at us with sad eyes as Amanda said thanks and we turned to leave. This was a Craigslist transaction after all.

As we were leaving, I turned to Amanda and said, "Looks like somebody wants to make friends"

Immediatly, it dawned on Amanda what I meant and she immediatly felt bad, "Maybe we should invite her to dinner?"

We all shrugged. "I'll shoot her an email tomorrow" Amanda said with a sense of finality.

We went to dinner, occasionally referancing the awkward stanger, acknowledging how scary it would be to move to a new town and have no friends and how we take each other for granted.

We decided to do what we always do, persuse Target for sales. As we were walking in, Amanda gets a text from the awkward stranger, "What do you guys do for fun in this town?"

I told Amanda to call her and invite her to meet us at Starbucks.

Long story short, the awkward stangers name is Carrie and she moved here 3 years ago, following a mysterious internet job that she wouldn't elaborate on but that fell through. She was painfully shy but warmed up over the conversation. At least Anthony is good at keeping things moving in conversations.

We couldn't help but ponder what it all meant...meeting Carrie and feeling compelled to invite her into our lives. Comtemplating what events we could possibly invite her to, pondering how she would interact with our other friends. I guess its empathy, putting ourselves in her shoes, even though I'm fairly certain after 3 years I would have made some progress. But then again, I'm not painfully shy.

Maybe we'll see her again, maybe we won't. I'm glad to know that I still have the capacity to reach out to people, that I still feel compelled to make new friends, even if I am slightly guarded.

A Good Day

Me, Amanda, Vanessa-Braves Game 9/19/08

I've had a good day with lots of stimulation which is a nice change from normal. It's been so slow as of late which can really drain on you. The bestest, Amanda, and I went out shopping for face painting supplies for the booth on Old Cambell County Day (OCCD).

There are definite perks working for this City. One being I work with Anthony, Amanda, Robert, Chris, Kat, Vanessa...all the key players in my life. One day we'll look back with a whimsical haze. It'll be fun to tell our kids. We'll be scattered to the wind but hopefully KIT. I know with Amanda and Robert we will be, being the Oliver's God-Parents and are, well, family to us.

And then lunch with Amanda and Vanessa. Lots of girl talk and giggling. Anticipation for things to come. I can't wait for Amanda and Robert to get married. I will be in my hay-day. I can't wait to plan her Bachlorette party and wedding shower. I can't wait for the day after they return from their honeymoon, where we will sit and gossip like teenagers.

Anyway, its been a good day. I get to see my Mom tonight but am not looking forward to meeting with photography clients. I hate all the small talk.

I went to a basketball game on Sunday and was totally distracted by a mother holding her baby. I take that as a good sign. I can't wait for Oliver to get here. To hold him and kiss his fat hands, fingers, legs. I'm so relieved I'm at this place. Don't get me wrong, I still hate other kids. But I can't wait to adore my own.

Oliver

Whoops. I forgot to mention I'm having a boy. Anthony Oliver. To be called Oliver, Ollie, etc.

Brag. Desire. Gratitude.

I was listening to the Bert Show this morning and they had Pink on doing some sort of generic interview. She said that her and her friends sit around and play B.D.G in which they all spout a Brag, a Desire and a Gratitude.

So I thought, what a great thing to think about. And so I've found that the Brag is the hardest thing for me to come up with. There are so many things I've done 'well' and 'right' in my life, yet they never seem good enough. It occured to me that I need to do a self-esteem make-over. I feel pretty crappy about myself now, and that probably stems from being 6 months pregnant and hormonal. But it has come to the point where I don't want to be in pictures anymore or think irrational thoughts like my friends don't want me in pictures because I ruin them. This is a hard pill for me to swallow being that I used to be a fairly self-assured person. Some would even say cocky.

Mostly, it has to do with my weight (I know, 6 months pregnant, I'm not supposed to be thin!) but I compare myself to every pregnant person I know (who happens to have that adorable baby bump while mine is more of a baby-spare-tire). I have gotten pregnant every where while everyone around me is losing weight or gaining the baby gracefully.

I am thrilled to be a mother. I couldn't say that a few months back. Now, honestly, I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms. I can't wait to start my life with Ollie and Anthony, to regain my life and my body back.

I know I complain a lot about being pregnant (I am so emo about the whole pregnancy thing). I'm hoping by getting this out I will feel better.

Ok, back to the original game plan:

Brag: I like that I see the world from many perspectives. It is the sociologist in me. I feel it makes me a better and more well-rounded person. Although, this also means I am bogged down by negativity around me quite easily. It also means that I can trust my judgement, trust my instincts, because I am self-aware and able to check myself for internal biases. I try to see the world through the cause and effect of it all.

Desire: I desire for a cleaner life. I want a house where everything is in it's place. I am bogged down by clutter (something I have learned recently, I used to be a clutter-a-holic in my earlier life). But now, I want everything in my house to have a purpose. To be easy to clean. To not have baggage stacked by my doorway. To be able to have guests stop by. For the clutter to be gone so my life can be fuller. I need a cleaner, more organized house so I can have a more centered, clean organized me.

Gratitude: I am grateful for Anthony. He allows me to be. Be independant. Be free-spirited. Be brave. Any whim I follow he supports. Whether its listening for hours to a story I wrote or cleaning up dog pee without (too much) complaint, he allows me to be. When I need something (like when I threw my hands up about cooking 'I don't want to even look at the kitchen' I cried) he went grocery shopping with my mom, learned how to cook a good pork roast and is constantly surfing the net for new recipies. He is a good man, who works hard, is over-the-moon about being a Daddy, and shakes his head in disgrace over sexist commercials. He adores me in a way that allows me to take his love and affection for granted and I so often do. When I feel so terrible about my self, he is always there to remind me how sexy, talented, smart I am. An equal partner, so hard to find even in this progressive day and age. I am grateful for the life we have built together.