I've been at work for 50 minutes and I am already bored out of my mind. I need to be challenged. I need to be scared. I need to lay in bed at night and worry about that test I need to be studying for or that project that needs to be done.
It's the things that scare you that really change you. I haven't been scared in a while. Over a year ago, I knew it my deepest of heart that counseling wasn't for me. Then one night, lying in bed, it dawned on me: Sociology professor. I love sociology. It is challenging, perception shattering, wonderfulness! I don't know why it never occurred to me. Maybe because I was meant to have Oliver first...otherwise I would've have dived right in without looking back.
Sure, it will be incredibly challenging to have a baby and a life and go to grad school, but I do better when I have multiple balls in the air. I am the most successful when I'm on the brink of crashing. I rise to the occasion.
Recently, I've had nothing to rise to. This job is mundane. The challenge is gone. The love has dissipated. I am stir crazy.
Graduate school starts in the fall. I'm hoping Oliver keeps me so busy the months fly by and I fail to notice how unstimulated I am.
Now, to get into grad school. That is the next challenge. The idea of teaching in front of people not much younger than me makes me want to throw up my waffles. But the idea of opening new minds is exhilarating.