Sometimes I write and it feels so good. My words, my mind--they're in sync and I can't doubt my dreams.
A little bit of what I'm talking about, Willis.
Writing is so much fun.

It wasn’t about having him all to herself, she decided, as she settled in the last row of the library, where she knew she would be undisturbed. It was knowing that Mason couldn’t have both—her and them. It was the innocent look in his deep brown eyes that pained her; there were politics in the works that he couldn’t possibly be aware of and he surely wouldn’t understand; not yet anyway.
They would make him choose.
He could either have them—a huge variety of friends and a thousand different memories in the making: prom, parties, dates, senior trips and a strong friend base. Or he could have her, just her; sharing the unbearable, miserable curse of being an outcast. He couldn’t have them both and there were no compromises in this area. Mason may have been unbearably naive but Ellie knew how things worked around this school.
Ellie couldn’t blame him for the choice he would inevitably make; she only resented his ability to have one. She never got the option.
Being alone, she finally let the tears come. She cried for Mason Riley and the impossible connection they shared; she cried for the way things were in her life and the desire for change that never seemed to realize; she cried for a future she felt would never come; but mostly she cried because she was unhappy.
When Ellie finally gained composure, a small part of her felt the tiniest bit relieved. Because in those small, insignificant hours, Ellie discovered through Mason Riley that she was in fact still a human capable of love, capable of intense emotion. Sometimes she couldn’t help but become the creature the rumors swirled about—cold, unlovable, inhuman. She lived life in a constant state of numbness because of how she was treated. It was a vicious cycle. Life was just too painful.
But she wasn’t cold and she wasn’t dead. No, behind her exquisite beauty and hard, bitter exterior, Ellie believed in love. She longed for a love that would change her; that would save her from the unfortunate circumstances that fate had bestowed upon her.
Ellie would never admit to this; but something stirred inside her like a great wind. It was a tiny voice in the back of her mind, telling her that she was meant for something more. She felt a great, majestic power in the blood that pumped through her veins. It was an instinct that pushed her to fight against her cold reality; that whispered secrets of a better life. She was exceptional and she knew it. Yet it was as if she wasn’t created to live in this world; she was designed for another that she couldn’t quite find.
It was the only explanation Ellie could come to as to why she was treated the way she was. It went against human nature to reject someone so beautiful. She should be adored, respected and coveted. Instead, she was isolated—like the only one of its kind on an alien planet; she felt as if she were a different life-form.
Ellie constantly boiled on the frustration of it all; she felt as if the entire truth was told to her every night in her dreams; yet in the morning, all the words she understood in her sleep made no sense in the gray breaking of the dawn. She could feel the ticking of time passing on her bones, wasting precious time; her life was wrong and every misstep added more weight she couldn’t bear.
Ellie always envisioned herself as a wild cat born into captivity. Sure, she was cared for and complacent; but something just wasn’t quite right. It burned in her mind, never ceased, never decreased in power; but she couldn’t quite jump the confining walls of her life. She didn’t know how.
If only she had someone to show her. Maybe then she could escape to the life, the world, she was created for.
Ellie would never admit this, no, because despite what her instincts screamed at her, she couldn’t help but believe in its foolishness. It was a far-fetched and outlandish fantasy; one Ellie believed in only to get her through each day.
But unconsciously she hoped; it is much easier that way.
Mason stirred things in Ellie that she wasn’t able to deal with. He opened doors that were bolted shut; roused emotions that baffled her. She hurt in a way she never had before; because she couldn’t deny that she felt something, a strong and penetrating and meaningful shock to her system. It was ridiculous and illogical, but it was real, whether Mason felt it or not.
As she settled at the long wooden table that stretched along the back wall of the library, Ellie wiped away the remaining tears and exhaled. At least she was still able to love, to find a connection in this world she didn’t belong in.
Ellie at least could take comfort in that.